Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Google is God

Virtually anyone who can type Google in the address bar of a browser uses the search engine to search for a bewildering range of keyword combinations. Like many devotees of other (often lesser) gods, the ardent followers of Google (including me) too believe that you can ask of it any request and receive about a million SERPs (Search Engine Result Pages) as benediction.

But most fail to realize that Google is no kind and loving god. The search engine, undoubtedly is omniscient and omnipresent, but it is benevolent only if you pray to it in a prescribed format. When you don't do that, like one of those gods you read about in mythology -- it takes umbrage and grants you your SERP -- only it is all gobbledygook.

Which might not be good for the seekers (and I suspect it must be turning many a believer into a hardened atheist) but it is good for us bloggers. For Google in it's wrath (or maybe due to its quirky sense of humor) directs some of the devotees to our blogs and the keywords and phrases in which these devotees have worded their prayers make for entertaining reading.

And give you something to write about when you are starved of ideas -- I believe a Google search post is mandatory for any blogger, atleast I have read quite a few.

Here are a few seekers who were directed to my blog, over the past few months (yup, i maintain a record of these gems) in their quest for truth.

We were only looking for some food: maggie tastemaker, fast maggie noodles, maggie noodles joke (just shows how popular instant noodles are, health food be damned), and one came looking for harabara kababs. And another came sniffing for: Indian food that stays fresh methi paratha.

We are here only for a few laughs: dirtiest joke, family walks into talent agent office joke complete, and of course the one who wanted his (or her) food served with a dollop of humor: maggie noodles joke.

We love sports (actually Sania Mirza): sania mirza BLOG obscene, Sania mirza navel, and one seeker who was looking for: sania mirza incest period. (Don't ask how that pointed to my blog.)

We are only looking for some entertainment: watch marathi movies online, random funny pictures, mahabharata video streaming.

We rock, and so do you: bangalore scene heavy metal techno, rock bands of guwahati (!!!?)

We are (so) bored: bored in andheri east, boring mrs world seema bhakar (Don't ask, don't know.)

We want to be doctors: allopathic medicines which doctors give for fever

We need a talent manager: Talent Ink artist management company mumbai

We only want some information: i want to see pakistani email, when will the train between kalyan and kasara start (how do I know?), and this is the best: i only want email of uddhav thackeray shiv sena leader (Narayan Rane supporter maybe, looking to send some hate mail).

Google God operates in mysterious ways and we can only guess at what it is attempting to do, what connections it trying to make. But we can surely be thankful for all the little joys that it sends our way.

And to all of Google's devotees that were (mis)directed here, don't give up hope. God often tries us in ways that we cannot comprehend. All we can do is to keep the faith and continue our quest for answers.


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U said...

WOW!! Loved the way you write... What do you do...? Seriously i hope you pursue writing as a profession... or a serious hobby or it would be such a waste!!

U said...

Just saw in your profile that you are a content developer... interesting. But what exactly do you do :))

Actually a lot of other things are very interesting in your profile... Shadow lines man, Amitav Ghosh is literally GOD!! That book rocks. HP... so you read the 6th part? I havent yet... have so much else to do am just avoiding it... But yeh yeh lot of spoilsports have told me who dies :((

Mihir said...

ha ha! funny indeed the search results pointing to your sites.

I have seen this similar behavior on my site as well where the quite often the searches are totally irrelevant. I feel bad for the folks who landed up on my site and found totally irrelevant content ;-)


mandar talvekar said...

Thanks for visting my blog and taking the time not only to read it but post a comment as well. And what you said about the search results is so true -- it's simply amazing how many funny ones point to your site. Found two gems today pointing to my blog -- saving them for a later post;).

Thanks and I am overwhelmed.
Do I pursue writing as a profession? I am a "content developer" as you have already noted from my profile. So what do i do? Hmmm. . . I do write professionally -- but content development doesn't sound as alluring as an author writing a novel. It is not even as glamorous as a columnist writing newspaper/magazine features. In terms of writing, a content developer is closer to his software counterpart -- the code coolie. No, it is not as depressing as I have made it out to be. In fact it is very interesting. I "develop" content for e-learning programs for my organization. To put it simply: corporates, universities, publishing houses, etc come to us asking us to develop a program that will teach something (subjects range from risk management, health care to aesthetics, reading skills, english) to their employees/students. The content developers then "develop" the instructional design and the content -- that is script the storyboards in a way that the learners will find it interesting. Think of it as writing to teach.
You'll find some more information in an earlier post of mine, here.

U said...

Hey Mandar,

Thanks for the detailed description... after reading your post on your profession i guessed you must be pretty bugged by people asking you that "same old question" :)

However, the reason why i asked you this question was because even i write content for websites. Though not learning modules but general content. So was just curious to know what exactly one means by the term.

But i will say it again, you should give fiction a try...I am a student of literature and i think can say this somewhat objectively and critically!

Take care!!

mandar talvekar said...

hi upasna,
thanks for that vote of confidence -- but fiction, that's like attempting to move a mountain -- for somebody like a hercules (or a krishna) that might be normal course on an average day. No, i don't have that kind of ability . . .atleast for the moment. Don't know if i will ever have it. And i have seen enough good writing by others to know exactly where i stand in the scheme of things.
But thanks once again, i am flattered.
If i ever write even a short story, you will be amongst the first to know:).

U said...

Thx... Will wait for a story by you surely!