Saturday, August 12, 2006

Another Way to Answer That Pesky Call

You know what this is about. It's afternoon. Cell phone rings. A female voice at the other end wants you to buy a credit card/personal loan/whatever product she's marketing.

Earlier, I had outlined two way's to answer that call.

Here's another. This happened today afternoon.

Me: Hello.
Female Voice (FV): Mr. Mandar Talvekar, sir?
Me (with a bit of "oh, it's that kind of a call" in my voice): Yeah.
FV: Sir, I am calling on behalf of Indiabulls. We have a. . .
Me: But I am not interested in buying any bulls.
FV: Uh?
Me: I don't want to buy any bulls. In fact, I don't want to buy any animal.
FV (puzzled): Sir, we don't sell bulls.
Me (peeved): Then why do you call yourself Indiabulls?
FV: That's the name of the company. We deal with. . .

(I couldn't believe this girl still hadn't caught on.)

Me: Do you sell cows? Someone I . . .
FV (bewildered and irritated): Cows?
Me (let's try a different tack): Do you have a sister concern called Indiacows?
FV: I am calling on behalf of Indiabulls.
Me (patiently): Yes, yes. I got that. And you don't sell bulls.
FV: Yes.
Me: But do you sell cows? I know someone who loves cows(*) and might like to talk to you about them. Shall I give you his. . .

The call was cut at that point. Pity, not many people are interested in talking about cows.

*: I have often wondered, what it would be like if we could have hyperlinks in our spoken conversations. And we could somehow click on each hyperlinked spoken word and connect to exactly what. . . (yeah, yeah, I know I have lost it).


n said...

hyperlinked conversations is a lovely idea, like one speach bubble, sort of floating into another, or popping up when its called. u know jeanette winterson wrote that all our words continue to live long after we've spoken them and float around in the sky. in such a world, the hyperlinks could exist. she also said that sometimes the words become to dense, and the sun is blotted out by lover's signs, angry spats and curses, then people have to go up and clean it out :)... then links would go dead.

Sameer said...

That was hilarious! Good way to get the message across. However, the person at the other end is usually too dense to get even the not-so-subtle message.

The other way is to ask for their mobile number so you can call them back when you're free! ;-)

Anonymous said...

THATS JUST NOT FUNNY.That is so sadistic behavior.Didnt Mandar knew that the telemarketer gets paid based on the approvals they receive from the customer ?Its their job to call you, whether they like it or not ?If you are not interested, just cut the phone or say you are not interested.Simple. They might move on to other customer.Just wasting time wouldnot do any good to either of you.MAY be thats fun for you,but its so sadistic and unruly on your part.And didnt you knew that you can be tracked down easily for your gibberish talk ?
Go and check for any bereau where you can unlist your numbers from the telemarketing directory
Please donot do this again
..Agitated telemarketer.

Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS! Where do I sign up for classes in dealing with annoying phone calls? :D

mandar talvekar said...

Dear Upset Telemarketer,
It might be their job, but its my privacy and my time that they are intruding upon -- and I didn't ask for the calls. I believe a law court had ruled that such unsolicited calls be stopped. The telemarketers are getting around it by saying people who don't want the calls, should ask the telemarketers to unlist their numbers. This is no different from email spam. I don't have the time to call each and every telemarketing agency (nor do I have their numbers) asking them to unlist my number. When you receive a minimum of one such call everyday (most of them while you are trying to concentrate on your work), its a bit difficult to sympathize with people whose job it is to make these irritating calls. Saying "I am not interested," rarely works nowadays for the next thing these telemarketers ask is for references of friends and colleagues.

It might be a a bit sadistic, yes, but I have had enough of it. If I am receiving an unsolicited marketing call, I might as well do my best to enjoy it. If any of the telemarketers don't want similar responses, they can just stop calling me.

mandar talvekar said...

This is a more generic comment. I had to delete two comments made on this post because I don't like to see that kind o language on my blog. Please leave a comment (and you can disagree with what I have put on my blog) only if you can be civil.
However abuse will be deleted.

n said...

@ upset telemarketer
i agree with mandar. he didn't ask for the call, and its near impossible to call all the agencies (do u know how many banks that would be? and for each bank the loan dept, the credit card dept, the debit card section...)
why dont we reverse the process..if we need a call, we'll sign up somewhere, or, here's a revolutionary idea..come and ask for the card!! stop bothering ppl unnecessarily.

Solzaire said...

!!majaa aa gayaa!! :-)

skumra said...

i always have hutch people calling me up..i start complaining to them about their lousy service and network .They automatically apologise and then cut short the call :)

Shobha said...

Brilliant...hahahahahaaa :D I am usually very rude and irritable with the tele callers. However such calls just make me more grumpy. i guess I need to make fun of them likewise...majja comes....hehehe

Swapna said...

Good one! I need to try that next time although I don't think the other person will actually get it.

Anonymous said...

Now that's one way to get rid of those pesky phone calls. At least it was funny and not so all too rude. And creative at that. Maybe I'll borrow that style and try it when I have some unwanted or perhaps unwarranted phone calls.

Anonymous said...'re dead funny. Searching Google and you turned out on page 1! was what just happened to me seconds ago:
Indian: I'm calling from Telstra....*blah blah blah* Are you with Optus or Telstra?
Me: Optus.
Indian: Oh *blah blah blah* you have been chosen from a random draw to get $200 if you join Telstra.
Me: Sorry, I'm not interested.
Indian: Why are you not interested?
Me: I'm doing my homework.
Indian: When will I call back?
Me: Sorry, I'm not interested.

*Ring ring*
Me: *Ignores* ...

If ONLY I had taken your approach to telemarketers.