A Letter From Andaman Cellular Jail

Greatbong, on the ocassion of our Republic Day, shares a touching letter that his mom wrote after visiting the Cellular Jail in Andaman and Nicobar Islands.

It's a particularly fitting post for today and I think it's a must-read especially for the present young generation of India.

A Cricket (Ganguly) Joke

Nope, I am not talking about the second test match in the ongoing India-Pakistan series (though you have to admit most of it, especially what happened on the last day was an elaborate charade).

This one is about Sourav Ganguly. And no, it is not the famous one about Sourav Ganguly and Maggie Noodles.

This one though, I feel IMHO, also has the makings of a classic.

It goes like this:

It's a test match.

India are two wickets down for 350. Sehwag and Laxman are back in the pavilion.

Dravid, who opened the innings, is on 97.

Tendulkar is on 35 and on strike.

Tendulkar plays the 1st ball of the over to mid-on and thinking the fielder is a bit deep, sets off for a single. The fielder swoops in, picks up the ball, and in a single motion throws down the stumps at the non-striker's end. There's no need for the third umpire. Tendulkar is at least a yard away from the crease and is run out.

Next batsman in is Sourav Ganguly. He is at the non-striker's end. Dravid faces the second ball of the over.

It is a good delivery, pitching on the off stump and swinging a bit away from the batsman. Dravid leaves it well alone.

The third ball is a repeat of the second. Dravid is patient. . . Well left.
Ganguly is showing some impatience now. He obviously wants to be at the batting end. He walks over to Dravid and has a word (or two) with him accompanied with some elaborate hand gestures. Dravid shakes his head, walks back, and takes strike again.

The fourth ball pitches on the off and swings into the batsman. Dravid meets it with the full face of his bat. A textbook forward defensive stroke.
Ganguly is not happy. He walks over to Dravid again. Some more talk. Some more gestures. Dravid asks the umpire, "How many to go in this over?"
"Two more deliveries," replies the umpire.
Dravid nods to Ganguly, who comes back to the non-striker's end.

The fifth ball is fast and straight. Dravid goes on to his back foot and punches the ball through the covers. The batsman cross for a comfortable single. Dravid is now just two short of yet another century.

One delivery to go in the over. Ganguly takes guard, settles in his stance, and peers down the pitch. Bowler has decided to bowl round-the-wicket to him. Ganguly doesn't seem happy with that and asks the umpire for a fresh guard. He then asks the sightscreen to be moved a bit.
It's done.

Ganguly settles in his batting stance once again. The bowler polishes the ball and starts on his long run up to the bowling crease. He has hardly taken a few steps when Ganguly drops his bat, pulls out a large red handkerchief from his trouser pocket, starts waving it excitedly and begins shouting, "HAMARI MAANGEY POORI KARO! HAMARI MAANGEY POORI KARO!" (Fufill Our Demands! Fulfill Our Demands!)
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Now, why does he do it?
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Any guesses?
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Come on, it needs no great out of the box thinking.
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Give it a try.
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Think.
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Nope?
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Okay.
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Because now Ganguly is on Strike.

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You can also read what's possibly the best chicken and egg joke ever. Or read a truly amazing riddle that has four possible solutions.

If you are inclined more towards the serious stuff try answering this: Where do all the Jokes Come From?

And you can, at the end of it all, always make time for some pizza.

Anatomy of a Desi Novel

Sepia Mutiny dissects an example to show how a typical IWE novel is written for the west: Anatomy of a Genre.

Adjusting in an Indian Marriage

Whenever there is talk of an Indian girl getting married, there is this word--adjust. When I was in college, my friends would say, "You're so adjusting, you'll have no problems when you get married."

I have heard that bit of dialog repeated with little variation by so many people over so many years. So many of my friends have accepted this adjustment as a fact of their marital lives. Friends who till that point had shown so much spunk and independence. And no, economic dependence or independence, or education or the lack of it seems to have nothing to do with it. It is not only the "housewives" but also the ones who are earning a living for themselves who adjust in a marriage.

I don't know if it is difficult to overturn a practice because everybody is following it? Is it really that difficult to resist years of cultural conditioning? Or is it because the players involved themselves want to take the easy way out -- the path of least resistance?

Do read Sibyl's Indian wives and power.

The Color of My Teeth

I recently had one of those painful episodes that serve no other purpose but to tell you that you are getting on in years and things that you once did without any thought (like cracking a hundred betel nuts with your teeth) are better left to the youngsters. I had a tooth extracted. Specifically I had to bid my upper left 1st bicuspid (the 1st canine tooth on the left -- for those who don't understand dental-speak) a goodbye.

Since my upper left 1st bicuspid and I parted ways, my dentist had been trying to convince me to get on with living and get myself another upper left 1st bicuspid.

"Life is long. How will you get on without a bicuspid?" my dentist would say.

My family and friends too joined hands in trying to get me to agree with my dentist.

"At least try it once. It is no harm in seeing. . ." And more along the same lines.

Fresh from my sorrow of having lost a much loved (and loyal) tooth, I resisted. Like all good men, I escaped from those who were trying to tempt me. I went into the desert, thinking a stay there would get the others off my back and help me clear my thoughts. I escaped to Phoenix, Arizona for three weeks.

Well it didn't help. A few days after I was back, the issue of replacing my upper left 1st bicuspid was broached again and from that time onwards, seasoned negotiators brought a lot of pressure on me. Eventually I succumbed.

Last week I told my dentist that I was finally ready for a new upper left 1st bicuspid. But contrary to what others were telling me all this time getting a new upper left 1st bicuspid wasn't as easy as walking into a dentist's office and simply asking for one.

Apparently you have to be prepared mentally and the other teeth, especially the immediate neighbors (upper left cuspid and upper left 2nd bicuspid) have to be cajoled and given some extra attention so that they welcome the new neighbor. So I had another long session with my dentist during which he trimmed and drilled and trimmed and drilled and whittled my cuspids and bicuspids. The excavation work he did would put MMRDA to shame. At the end it he pronounced me ready for a new upper left 1st bicuspid.

But before I actually got one, there were still a few more things that needed to be cleared, my dentist gravely informed me.
"You have to decide exactly the kind of tooth you want."
"Duh!!? I want an upper left 1st bicuspid."
He smiled. "Do you want your bicuspid to be entirely of ceramic, or ceramic over metal, or of noble metal?"
"Noble metal?"
"Gold."
"No way."
"Okay, though in the long run noble metal is the best."
"I wouldn't live long with some shiny yellow thing in my mouth."

We finally settled upon a bicuspid that was made of "vitalium covered with ceramic." Measurements were taken -- I had to bite into some gooey, sticky stuff. And I thought, that was it. But I was mistaken. Turned out that I had to visit the dental lab that was actually going to fabricate my tooth.

"Why? You already have the measurements."
"The lab might want to measure you again. And they have to see your teeth for a color-match."
"Color-match? Why? Aren't teeth white?"
"Well, not quite."

So an appointment was made for me with the dental lab in Thane on last Friday afternoon. I left office early and traveled to this place for a "color-match and measurements." When I reached the lab it turned out that didn't need to measure the insides of my mouth again -- the moulds that my dentist had made were adequate. All that was left to find was the right color for my prosthetic bicuspid so that it matched my other teeth.

I grumbled a bit under my breath about people wasting other people's time for they can't pick out white from a shade card. The assistant who was going to do the color matching, shook his head a bit indulgently and asked me to smile.

He held various false teeth against the originals in my mouth, but couldn't seem to get a fix. I for one couldn't understand what the confusion was.

"What's the problem?" I asked him a tad impatiently after grinning at him for about 10 minutes.

"2M or 3M?" was his cryptic reply.

So he called the dentist who was the big noise in the lab. The dentist in turn asked me to smile and again held the various false teeth against my actual teeth. I never knew smiling could be so embarrassing.

And the two started discussing the color of my teeth.
"It's a classic 2M," said the dentist. "It's white. . ."
"But sir," interrupted the assistant holding a false tooth up and looking at my teeth appraisingly, "White is too bright for his teeth."
"You B@$%%#*!!!!" that was me voicing an opinion (to myself) about the assistant.
"Hmm. . .Yes, you are right," said the dentist and turned to me, "Smile please, wider. . . Yes, they are kind of gray."
"You So# @$%%#!!!!" that was me thinking nice thoughts about the dentist.
"Actually if you look closer," and they both peered at my teeth again, "it is gray going on to 2M white. 3M to 2M."
"Yes, Sir." and the assistant drew an outline of a tooth in his notebook and neatly wrote 3M + 2M next to his handiwork.
"Let us check the corresponding tooth on the other side of his mouth just to be sure."
"Good idea, sir."
"Smile please."

I obliged and as they both squinted at my eyes again I was kicking myself for:
(A) Having got myself into a situation where strangers were discussing the color of my teeth, and
(B) For not having the foresight of eating a vada-pav with dollops of garlicky chutney before getting to the lab.

"I think we should check in natural light."
"Yes, Sir. We'll know the exact shade of gray."
I wanted to beat the assistant to a nice shade of black and blue.

So I stepped out to a small balcony and once again went through the me-smiling-and-the-other-two-peering-at-my-teeth routine.

"You are right Sir, as always. It is gray going on to 2M white."
The dentist looked like he had just received the biggest compliment in his life.
"Comes with experience of looking and color-matching matching more than a 1000 teeth."
"You," I couldn't resist murmuring, "have had an interesting life."
"What?"
"Nothing. I was just mumbling to myself. Do I have to smile again?"
"No, just open your mouth wide and keep your tongue firmly down on the floor of your mouth. We now want to do a color-match for the tooth on the inside."

So I opened my mouth wide and tried to keep my tongue firmly down on the floor of my mouth.

"Yellow," the assistant hazarded. I should have told the B@$%%#* the dentist would over rule him anyway but I was busy thinking how far would he fall and how much would he bounce if I kicked him really hard.
"Orange," said the dentist. I started fantasizing how far I could kick the dentist.
"It is as orange as an orange," and he appeared to like the sound of it for he repeated it twice, once for the benefit of the assistant and since he really loved the sound of it, once more for himself.

The assistant wrote in capitals in his notebook "ORANGE INSIDE."

My leg was twitching.

"You might have to come next week," the assistant said, "so that we can check and be sure that the color matches."

I was peeved."What?!! You both had a nice long look and a discussion on the color of my teeth. What more will you do when I . . ."

"Ah!" said the dentist shaking his head wisely and smiling (I noticed his teeth were brown and was that a shade of red? No. Definitely that was maroon on the 2nd and 3rd teeth). "Youngsters. You are always in a hurry. I don't think you need to come. You can trust my color sense. When I say it is gray and orange, it can only be that."
I was just about ready to knock his brown and red (no, maroon) teeth to the back of his throat. But I said, "I am lucky you were here to color-match my teeth."

The dentist smiled (His teeth were definitely brown and maroon) and accepted my compliment.
"Yes, yes. But it would help if we could just confirm my judgement. Please come again on Wednesday."

This Wednesday I am definitely eating that vada-pav with an extra helping of garlic chutney before I go to the lab.

And the next time you smile at yourself in the mirror, check if your teeth are white going on to gray (2M to 3M) or just bright white (2M) or gray (3M).

And don't forget the inside: Yellow or orange?

Indians+are+Known+for+*

. . . Cheating, serve food, hospitality, tenacity.

Amongst other things, the people of the United Kingdom are known to be extremely unclean, Americans are known for their dislike of walking and anti-Muslim politics, the Chinese are known for imitations and the Germans enjoy their beer.

But of course, we knew that already, didn't we?

Check out the Prejudice Map according to Google.

All the Unaccounted Fat. . .

As we get more health and weight conscious, many of us are queuing up for the numerous diet and exercise programs that promise to melt away all that lard.

But as anyone with a minimum of education knows, matter in our universe is never lost, just redistributed.

So where's all that lost lard going? Prufrock Two has an interesting theory.

Starring Steve Jobs

Came across this (admittedly quite late) wonderful contest:

The theme of the final Mike Industries iPod Creativity Competition of 2005 is to design a movie poster featuring Steve Jobs. Like all competitions before it, the rules here are loose. Just feature the man we all know and love in a cinematic role, keep your image exactly 418 pixels wide, and insert your entry inline in the comments of this post. . .

The response to the contest is awesome. Just check the comments. . . . Be patient the comments and the images will take some time to load, But it's a wait worth waiting.

Meanwhile here are two of my favorites. The first one is byMike Mella, the second by Ben Gremillion.



Click this for all the posters.

Running to Spread Awareness About Learning Disabilities

Learning Disability is a condition that causes a severe difficulty, for people afflicted with it, in learning basic skills like reading and writing. Such people acquire information at a rate lower than what is considered normal for other people at their age. These people, as a result, may also have some difficulty in speaking and listening. The disorder lasts the person's lifetime.

Providers of learning solutions have to come up with alternative non-traditional teaching methods to teach people with learning disabilities.

Tata Interactive Systems (TIS), where I work, has developed many international award-winning solutions that help screen and identify children with learning disabilities and then help them learn. You will find a detailed overview of TIS’s involvement and solutions for learning disabilities here.

TIS is also involved in a big way in interventions in learning disabilities in India.

In India, TIS mentors the Learning Disability Center at Sion Hospital—the only center in the State of Maharashtra, approved by the State Government to certify students with learning disabilities. Beyond the salaries and the stationery, we help the clinic with a hands-on approach—whether it’s by streamlining the day-to-day functioning or finding solutions to the scores of issues that crop up from time to time. We also share our reservoir of educational software, including the award-winning Jojo in Numberland, to help the children discover the joys of learning.

Today, on January 15, over 50 TISians are participating in the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon 2006 to show TIS' commitment towards helping those with Learning Disabilities.

I wish all my colleagues running the marathon the very best.

If any of you are running the marathon, or simply cheering the participants, look out for people sporting black T-shirts with the picture that accompanies this post. They are running to spread awareness about Learning Disabilities.

Happy 2006

Happy New Year. Have a lovely 2006. May this new year bring you all many reasons to smile.