A Letter to Pakistani People

An excerpt from "A letter to the Pakistani people," by Chankaya of vichaar:

We like Pakistani people. And we dont just mean Adnan Sami, Jal or Strings – we mean regular Pakistani folks. In fact, we like most people and cultures. Heck, we tolerate Laloo and he’s totally out of this world. We can understand your accent much easier than his!

[. . .] While we like Pakistani people, we don’t really like the dude who currently fancies himself as your “President”. Given that he was born in India, we feel sort of responsible and guilty in some weird way. If you guys want to send him back we’d probably have to take him (yikes!). Google is hiring in India, and maybe he could work for them. He is something of an expert in searching, we hear.

Anyway, in India, when we get a crappy Prime Minister (happens frequently!), we say “Who the @!#$ elected this moron?”. Friendly, neighbourly suggestion – maybe it’s time you guys started asking yourselves this question too. BTW, one of you cool dudes reading this should tell him that he doesn’t scare us with his see-how-crisp-my-uniform-is routine. Indians are more scared of Mogambo (r.i.p.) than the General in his new clothes.

He (or his “government”) might have told you that even though we might be an “IT superpower”, at heart we are really a rabid bunch of Hindu fanatics out to burn masjids, discriminate against muslim Indians and beat the Pakistan cricket team in every single cricket match. To be fair to the fabled Pakistani PR machine, one of these statements is actually true. But after our recent convincing series win in Pakistan, even that is sort of not true. Witness how we let Pakistan win a game or two in India. Also, we dont really think of ourselves as an “IT superpower” – we would be perfectly happy with “upwardly mobile IT subedaars” right now.

But seriously, only a very few Indians are Hindu fanatics. More people want to watch Nazar in India than want to burn up a mosque (and hardly anyone wants to watch Nazar). And even those who say they are want to burn up a mosque actually just want a decent job (they may or may not know it). Once they get good jobs they mostly end up working hard and watching Bollywood item numbers just like you guys.

Very funny. Do read the entire post.